- Started Couch to 5K again. And lovin' it.
- Feelin' better and better
- It's getting easier to realize when I'm full, but still have a long way to go.
- Sometimes I wear a hat.
7.09.2014
In Brief
7.06.2014
The post where I talk about things
So, the last time I stopped by the stable and left a note was at the beginning of March. That sounds about right. That's when it got really bad.
Folks, this BED thing is a nice answer to all the shit that hasn't worked the last 30 years. It explains the uncontrollable feeding frenzies. The shame eating. The self loathing. It validates that I have a true eating disorder with several paths to treatment. This diagnosis has been a nice answer to the past. But answering the past doesn't take a damn thing away from dealing with it in the present.
And it doesn't exist alone. It is a thread woven into my tapestry, along with so many joys and sorrows and strengths and weaknesses.
If you've followed me from the first incarnation of this blog, it will come as no surprise that I have been grappling with a major depressive episode. It won't surprise you, but it surprised me.
I thought I was just stressed out.
I still haven't figured out what, if anything, happened to trigger this episode. My guess is....no one thing.
A lot of shit has gone on in the last few years. Probably no more than several people. But I've learned that it isn't fair to me to compare my woes and sorrows against those of others. Because my woes and sorrows are unlike any others and it's up to me to deal with them, not dismiss them.
Anyway.
Some of what I've been through, I shared over at TJC 1.0, especially as it concerns my wife. Couple that with my own journey through the "medically supervised rapid weightloss" program and the resulting eating disorder, my own demons to fight, and the unrelenting stress that is work, life, and everything. It simply got to the point where I was done.I could not deal with any more.
No more decisions.
No more answers
No more sharing.
No more problems.
No more ... just no more.
And it affected my life, my work and my health. It was all I could do to keep parts of myself free to share with my wife and kids.
And I had no idea I was in such a dark place. It took an issue that I must be very vague about to bring me to this realization. One that could have resulted in a lot of problems for me and my family.
I'm still digging my way out of this hole. I've been proactive in seeking help for several professionals. Meds have been changed and changed again. And I'm feeling somewhat better. Just writing this blog entry is evidence of this.
So all of this to say that I've not been around because life has been bad. But things are better. And I hope to be around the stable a bit more often.
Folks, this BED thing is a nice answer to all the shit that hasn't worked the last 30 years. It explains the uncontrollable feeding frenzies. The shame eating. The self loathing. It validates that I have a true eating disorder with several paths to treatment. This diagnosis has been a nice answer to the past. But answering the past doesn't take a damn thing away from dealing with it in the present.
And it doesn't exist alone. It is a thread woven into my tapestry, along with so many joys and sorrows and strengths and weaknesses.
If you've followed me from the first incarnation of this blog, it will come as no surprise that I have been grappling with a major depressive episode. It won't surprise you, but it surprised me.
I thought I was just stressed out.
I still haven't figured out what, if anything, happened to trigger this episode. My guess is....no one thing.
A lot of shit has gone on in the last few years. Probably no more than several people. But I've learned that it isn't fair to me to compare my woes and sorrows against those of others. Because my woes and sorrows are unlike any others and it's up to me to deal with them, not dismiss them.
Anyway.
Some of what I've been through, I shared over at TJC 1.0, especially as it concerns my wife. Couple that with my own journey through the "medically supervised rapid weightloss" program and the resulting eating disorder, my own demons to fight, and the unrelenting stress that is work, life, and everything. It simply got to the point where I was done.I could not deal with any more.
No more decisions.
No more answers
No more sharing.
No more problems.
No more ... just no more.
And it affected my life, my work and my health. It was all I could do to keep parts of myself free to share with my wife and kids.
And I had no idea I was in such a dark place. It took an issue that I must be very vague about to bring me to this realization. One that could have resulted in a lot of problems for me and my family.
I'm still digging my way out of this hole. I've been proactive in seeking help for several professionals. Meds have been changed and changed again. And I'm feeling somewhat better. Just writing this blog entry is evidence of this.
So all of this to say that I've not been around because life has been bad. But things are better. And I hope to be around the stable a bit more often.
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